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  • HOME
  • ABOUT
    • FAQ
    • Meet The Team
    • Event Gallery
  • Stories + Media
    • Book Feedback and Online Group Sign-Ups
    • AUDIO
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Joshua Harris: Taking the Heat for the Real Instigators of the Purity Movement.

10/24/2016

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By Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers
​

​I put the paper down. I was 15 papers in with 17 to go – reading the sexual autobiographies I’d assigned my graduate family therapy students. It was the second paper I had read in the last two hours of a young woman who had pelvic pain and vaginismus. My stomach was in knots. How many of these papers have I now read in my career? 

This young woman had been married three years and had been unable to have sex – it just hurt too much. She was completely freaked out about sex and hated herself for it. It was like her vagina had a mind of its own and had shut itself closed. She felt like a freak. ​

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Defined by Our Desires

10/15/2016

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By Annie Mesaros
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I knew that it was queer to sing in front of someone, but greater than my discomfort was the hope that he might recognize what I thought of as my great talent, the one musical trick I was able to pull off. I started in on an a capella version of the latest Oscar Meyer commercial, hoping he might join in once the spirit moved him. It looked bad, I knew, but in order to sustain the proper mood, I needed to disregard his company and sing the way I did at home alone in my bedroom, my eyes shut tight and my hands dangling like pointless, empty gloves.

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What Does It Mean to be Asexual? as told by CARLY DELAVAN

4/26/2016

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A person who is asexual does not experience sexual attraction. Many people often refer to asexuality existing on a spectrum, with sex-repulsion on one end and sexually open on the other end.
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Do You Tell Your Kids the Truth? (about sex)

1/19/2016

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By Tina Schermer Sellers, PhD
I grew up in a household where both my parents did anger in big and expressive ways.  As luck would have it, I was an introverted, happy-go-lucky, but sensitive kid.  This combo meant I learned very quickly to watch and read the emotional climate of my parents – and if the boilers were high, stay out of the way. Unfortunately this also meant I learned it was often unsafe or inconvenient for me to have feelings, or at least to express them.  I could not be sure there would be someone to listen or understand.  If one of my parents was caught in their whirlwind, my emotion would be dismissed or I would be needed to calm the storm.
Since I was often frightened by the strength of their anger, either at me or each other, I also decided I had better not do anger, for fear my anger might hurt, as theirs did.  This led to years and years of stuffing my feelings and focusing almost entirely on the emotional climate of others.  This deficit in knowing my own feelings, how to manage and express them, and much about what drew me to others, shaped my choices in partners, friends, even my career. My twenties and thirties were spent in therapy and grad-school unpacking these influences and reclaiming the wisdom of my feelings and the ‘me’ inside them.

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In Pursuit of a Sex Positive Gospel

8/23/2015

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by Tina Schermer Sellers, PhD
As a sex therapist, I commonly see couples who have experienced various forms of sexual dysfunction due to their extensive sex negative cultural and religious upbringing. After observing this pattern, I sought to find the sex positive message I believed to be hidden in the dusty vault of Judeo/Christian collective history.
Teaching at a religious university gave me insight into the lives of people who had experienced various western religious doctrine. It also helped me understand that many people, while desperately desiring a different relationship with their body and sexuality, also wanted to stay rooted in their faith system as they sought healing. Embracing Eastern worldviews were often not an option for them
.


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How the Purity Movement Causes Symptoms of Sexual Abuse

4/27/2015

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By Tina Schermer Sellers
I put the paper down.  I was 15 papers in with 17 to go – sexual autobiography assignments of my graduate family therapy students. It was the second paper I had read in the last two hours of a young woman who had pelvic pain and vaginismus.  My stomach was in knots.  How many of these papers have I now read in my career?  She had been married three years and had been unable to have sex – it just hurt too much.  She was completely freaked out about sex and hated herself for it.

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Making Sex Ed Easy...#3 in a Blog Series: Parenting 4-8 year olds... H.E.L.P!

3/23/2015

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By Tina Schermer- Sellers
During the years when my daughter was 5 and my son was 10, both of them straddling this particular stage, we went through a period where we would sit atop my son’s Captain’s bed and read this book called A Very Touching Book by Jan Hindman.  It was a book with hilarious pictures but told an important message of “good touch”, “bad touch” and “secret touch”.  The kids loved it because it

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Making Sex Ed Easy... #4 in A Blog Series... Parenting 9-12 Year Olds

3/21/2015

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By: Tina Schermer-Sellers
Let’s begin this final (long …) post in this series with first talking a bit about puberty to get us all on the same page.  Puberty is the time frame when the body changes from that of a child to that of an adult, capable of reproduction. On average, this happens over four to six years usually sometime after age 9.  The first noticeable signs of puberty in girls is generally breast buds – often between 9 and 11 years old.  This is followed by underarm and pubic hair about six months later.  There is usually a growth spurt during this time as well. 


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Making Sex-Ed Easy … #2 in a Blog Series: Parenting Preschoolers … H.E.L.P!

2/10/2015

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  By Tina Schermer-Sellers
  Preschoolers, little ones ages 3 to 5, are the epitome of sensual and curious little    creatures!  During this time they develop a strong sense of themselves as a boy or a girl  and what that means to the people around them.  For the vast majority of children their  body parts will match their sense of themselves as a boy or girl and be equally mirrored  by those around them.  But for a few this will feel confused.  It is important to listen to your child and hear their experience of themselves.  This is the age they will will want the names of ALL their body parts including their genitals.  Use the correct terminology so your child can know all about their body. Each part, wonderful, unique and created as a gift with a special and unique purpose.



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Parenting Kids Around Sex....H.E.L.P!   A Blog Series: 12 Guidelines For Communication

2/6/2015

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By Dr. Tina Schermer-Sellers 
Being a parent is a humbling endurance event … every day.  One minute it can be incredibly rewarding and the next incredibly frustrating.  So often when my kids were little I felt like I was flying by the seat of my pants.  Of all the areas of parenting that send our tails between our legs, I think teaching our kids about their bodies and sexuality is definitely one of the most challenging, uncomfortable and fear inducing. This is largely because 85-90% of people grow up in homes that are mostly silent around issues of sexuality.  The deafening silence and loss for words gets passed from one offspring to



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